OPEN LETTER TO THE FEVER BLISTER THAT APPEARED BETWEEN MY NOSE AND UPPER LIP THIS AFTERNOON
Dear fever blister that appeared between my nose and upper lip this afternoon:
I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but I'm just dying to know why in the world you decided to show up completely uninvited today. The things that usually call you from the darkness are stress, a blow to the lip or excessive amounts of sunshine. None of those things was on today's agenda. I think it's sort of rude how you showed up unannounced and settled on a part of my face that's not even your normal place to hang out. Why BETWEEN my lip and my nose? That's just silly. And not like you at all, I might add. Maybe I should give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you don't know what heartache your presence causes. Do you realize I can't kiss my children when you're around? Do you understand that when I wash my face I have to be exceedingly careful not to touch you or disturb you in any way because if I do, you decide to MOVE AROUND? Why do you do that? Mean spirited is what I call it. And you are a pain. I mean literally....you are painful. Do you mean to be this way? Are you aware?
You and I have known each other since I was just a tiny little girl. I don't think I've ever asked you nicely to do what I'm asking you now. I'm asking you to go away. Just leave. Be gone. I know in the past I've tried freezing you out or smothering you in ether and other unmentionable things, but today, I'm just asking sweetly....please go away. If you don't, I'll be forced to write a strongly worded letter to your mother calling you what you really are. A cold sore. I know that stings. Please don't make me do it.
Sincerely,
Beej
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16 comments:
My Carla had the mouf hurps, too. I think that it must be something with the pelo rojo.
I know it hurts. It'll get better though. And then, CHEESE!
Hey Beej,
Go to the vitamins isle at Wal-Mart and get some L-Lysine. Take 3 a day until that baby is gone. You can take six pills a day (morning and evening if needed). It should knock it out pretty fast.
FYI---when you feel one coming on, start taking the vitamin and it will knock it out before it gets gross.
You can thank me later.....
I wish I knew what pelo rojo means. Something to do with red maybe.
And morebs...you want me to take advice from a person who sometimes refers to himself as "Vinnie" and talks with a thick Brooklyn accent...and went to MSU? I'll think about it.
Pelo is hair, Beej. Cabeza rojo just sounds stupid to me, so I use hair instead of head.
By the way, I just will NOT go into how stupid "pelirrojo" sounds, let's just play like we already know that, okay?
Thank you TwoDogs. In my defense, I figured that was it, but I was just too lazy to google it. Also, I don't think it has to do with that. I think it has to do with my mama kissing on me when I was too little to defend myself from her lip disease. She had them all the time too. I'm sure she wouldn't have done it on purpose...but live and learn. I do know that none of MY people have EVER had one and as far as I'm concerned they will NEVER have one because of ME.
Carla had 'em about once every two years and that never stopped me from kissing all over her and I ain't never got one. I think being drunk all the time keeps you from getting them.
I have not completed the testing on that theory though.
Hey I am not the one writing letters to cold sores here, so I wouldn't be so quick to judge there beej.... OH and BTW if you noticed I did pay homage to your brilliance IN PUBLIC MIND YOU and this is the thanks I get??????
point made.
Also, I forgot about you calling me a genius in front of God and everybody...so...forget all that other stuff I said.
I will say that I tried Lysine before without much luck, but maybe I'll try again.
Is there a difference between fever blisters and cold sores? And is it considered good maners to out your mom in public like this?
And are you sure it was yoru mom and not a result of the tryst you had with the harley riding gas station attendant back in '84?
Nevermind that, I am here to be helpful. If a fever blister is infact a coldsore, Abreva works great for me.
Is it wrong to find humor in everyone outing themselves about the mouf hurps?
I could think of some worse things.
I know you said you tried freezing it. That has worked for me for a long time. But I have to catch it when it is just a tickle on the lip, you know that sensation you have when one is coming. Then I grab that ice and keep it on it for an hour. It has helped me tremendously. And I too have been dogged with them since I was a wee one.
I do the ice thing a lot...and it usually works, but this time I seriously felt no tingle. I think it's because it's in such a strange spot. Never felt it coming. *sigh*
I think the lysine and abreva are your best bets...
Hope it goes away soon!
Dangit, as long as everyone else is contributing remedies, I figgered I better, too.
Carla found the most relief from walking through spider webs with her mouth open. NOT KIDDING. Try that one.
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