I firmly believe that you can't be a truly GREAT dad unless you can master the art of lying to your children. A lie, by definition is an incorrect or false statement and doesn't necessarily have to have a negative impact. I'm not talking about lying maliciously with intent to harm or anything, I'm talking about telling your 14-year-old daughter that Roses is closed on Saturday at 2:00 in the afternoon, or telling her that it's against the law to ride in the car at night with the overhead lights on like my own father did. Another prime example would be telling your children that you train dragonflies to land in your spare time or that you picked their mother up from a dumpster somewhere but she just doesn't remember it.
I think one of the biggest jobs of a Dad is to make the eyes of their daughters roll up in their sockets and to make their sons shake their heads in disbelief. It's a gift and a right and an obligation. A dad should be able to tell these lies with a perfectly straight face and be able to stick to their story, even when closely questioned. When a dad is asked a question about something and he is unsure of the answer, he should quickly be able to make something up off the cuff and spout off an answer as if it were God's truth. He should be so believable in his lies that he has them truly convinced that the scar on his leg was from a shark bite he got while snorkeling in Belize.
Here's a good, true life example of a daddy lie:
Dirty Larry: Kids, do you know about dinosaurs that are herbivores?
Kids: Yes, they only eat plants.
Dirty Larry: Good! What about a carnivore?
Kids: A dinosaur that eats meat!
Dirty Larry: Great! Now...what is a reservoir?
Kids: Um....*silence*
Dirty Larry: That's a dinosaur that only eats at restaurants.
Litkia: Oh!
Pateriko: *silence...shakes head*
You know, if I were completely honest, I'm still not sure if it's actually against the law to drive barefoot or not.
6 comments:
according to MY daddy, it IS against the law to drive barefoot. that's why i NEVER do it.
In Mississippi, it is not unlawful to drive barefoot, but it is unlawful to drive with a dome light on after dark. In LA, I think that both are actually unlawful, but since none of the folks from LA have shoes, they kinda waive that depending on the amount of mud on your feet.
I always feel extra naughty when I drive barefoot!
A reservoir! That's great! And yes it's absolutely a capital crime to drive barefoot.
Are you implying that I DON'T have to keep my limbs inside the car at all times??
The reservoirs are my favorite dinosaurs.
I get in so much trouble for doing that! You should tell Kate that it is the natural order of things.
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