New House!

I discovered something horrible this morning as I was straightening up the den. I leaned down to pick up a CD that was on the floor in front of the entertainment center and this is what I saw:


In my defense, I have to say that this particular area is one that I spend NO time in. I don't watch TV or play video games and I can't even work the danged DVD player. The only reason I even SAW this message was because I was CLEANING UP. But, I admit that I have become immune to dust. I can't even SEE it anymore unless somebody writes me a message in it. I guess as the kids got big enough not to relieve their teething pain by chewing the furniture and understood that eating things off the floor wasn't a great idea, I slowly starting putting on my blinders. Now that my work load has decreased drastically, I'm seeing things all over this house that need my desperate attention. My floors are kind of gross. My walls need repainting. And just recently, Dirty Larry bought a new piece of luggage big enough to house two small people and I have no where to put it. It doesn't fit anywhere but right in the center of any given room, and that's where it has been for the last week or so.

So, I guess what I'm saying is... This house is dirty and needs work, plus we have new luggage so logically, we need a new house....you know....to house the luggage. A clean house to house the luggage.

Right.

Also. Not really.

Concentrating on asphalt

In my present situation, I find myself on the verge of tears nearly all the time. I've always been one to cry easily, just because it feels good, but lately, I'm having an even harder time controlling it than usual. I've never felt the effects of a big change so deeply before. A blog friend, JFZ, wrote a note at the magic website yesterday. Go read it here. It speaks to me of looking on the bright side. Being happy for the little things even when the big things are looming. Taking what could be a bad thing and turning it into something good. Then at church this morning, I heard the guest speaker talk to me about happiness. He used an illustration about teaching his daughter to ride a bike. She had a huge parking lot to practice on. Smooth acres of asphalt. He told her that she was so lucky to have this smooth surface and that when he was learning, he had nothing but gravel. But she pointed to the edge of the parking lot and brought to his attention, a pole. He told her not to worry about that pole, that she had this whole huge parking lot to ride in! She was insistent that the pole was a problem and he was insistent that it wasn't. Long story short, she ran into the pole. She said, "I TOLD you I was going to hit it!" He said, "That's because you were FOCUSING on the pole!" I'm here to tell you that your friend Beej is a pole hitter. I desperately want to be more diligently focused on the asphalt. God is so good to me, especially when I consider how very undeserving I am. I need to try harder to find the joy.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

The Beej suddenly finds herself with lots of time on her hands. How quickly things can change. My normally secure and totally fulfilling (cough...hack) job seems to be not so secure at the moment. Change happens. I'm pretty certain that I still have a job, it's just less of the same job, which means less money and less ability for me to continue unless I supplement my income elsewhere. In my line of work, it should be relatively easy to just go out and find another account to replace what will be missing, but the bottom line truth is that I just don't want to. I'm very tired of this corner where I have been sitting for 11 years, smashed against the closet door, typing away and letting the government take a whopping chunk of my profit because I am self employed. This job served a noble purpose. I have been able to stay home with my kids. I am thankful...and so ready to move on. So, I will search the highways and byways and I will seek the next thing (while holding on to this thing I still have as long as possible). This could be exciting or scary. I'm hoping that exciting wins that contest.

Luckily, I can do anything.

Seriously.