Morning Music

Overheard from the bathroom this morning, coming from the mouth of Litkia...sung to the tune of Beethoven's Ode to Joy (or Joyful Joyful We Adore Thee for you churchy types). Spelling here is for rhythm purposes only. SING!

I want to go back to be-ed, but I ca-an no-o-ot.
'Cause I have to go to schoo-ool but I do-on't wa-ant to.
I don't want to go to-oo schoo-ool, be-ca-ause it is bo-or-ing.
I want to go back to be-ed, where it is so comf-terble.

Open Letter

OPEN LETTER TO THE FEVER BLISTER THAT APPEARED BETWEEN MY NOSE AND UPPER LIP THIS AFTERNOON

Dear fever blister that appeared between my nose and upper lip this afternoon:

I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but I'm just dying to know why in the world you decided to show up completely uninvited today. The things that usually call you from the darkness are stress, a blow to the lip or excessive amounts of sunshine. None of those things was on today's agenda. I think it's sort of rude how you showed up unannounced and settled on a part of my face that's not even your normal place to hang out. Why BETWEEN my lip and my nose? That's just silly. And not like you at all, I might add. Maybe I should give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you don't know what heartache your presence causes. Do you realize I can't kiss my children when you're around? Do you understand that when I wash my face I have to be exceedingly careful not to touch you or disturb you in any way because if I do, you decide to MOVE AROUND? Why do you do that? Mean spirited is what I call it. And you are a pain. I mean literally....you are painful. Do you mean to be this way? Are you aware?

You and I have known each other since I was just a tiny little girl. I don't think I've ever asked you nicely to do what I'm asking you now. I'm asking you to go away. Just leave. Be gone. I know in the past I've tried freezing you out or smothering you in ether and other unmentionable things, but today, I'm just asking sweetly....please go away. If you don't, I'll be forced to write a strongly worded letter to your mother calling you what you really are. A cold sore. I know that stings. Please don't make me do it.

Sincerely,
Beej

And many more, 'til you're 104...

I am so sick of birthdays. Not my own birthday (obviously), but the birthdays of other people. Kids mostly. When I was little and my birthday rolled around, I usually got to pick what kind of cake I wanted mama to make and there would be some gifts, the singing of happy birthday to me and the blowing out of candles, but that was about it. We may have called that a party, but there was no one there that wasn’t normally sitting at the dinner table. Birthdays were a big deal, but only in a small way. When Pateriko was little I felt pressured by the other mothers of the world to invite teeming masses of people to the house and have the birthday cake match the napkins, but it just never really felt right to me. It seemed over the top to ask people to come over and lavish my child with gifts, just because he’s been living here a whole year since the last time I asked you to bring him offerings. This went on for years and when Litkia was born, I was so fed up with it that I think she’s probably been robbed of today’s proper birthday etiquette. I think I made almost all of her cakes myself instead of hiring that lady down the road to build and decorate one for me (as if her boxed cake mix didn’t come from Wal-Mart just like mine). I just want to know who had the big idea to start all that mess in the first place. It just wasn’t like that when I was little. However, now that I’m thinking about it, I’m kinda starting to wonder if it WAS happening long ago and I just somehow didn’t get to participate. If so…

I call FOUL!

Listy Wednesday - 3 things

Three things that I did today to help my children succeed:
1. Searched every Mobile County library and called every bookstore in the area searching for a book for a research paper that is not findable.
2. Stayed after school for an extraordinarily long period of time, waiting for my child because he didn't do something he was supposed to do...and it was very important.
3. Went to Walgreen's to develop 10 pictures for a project and got very annoyed by the dude behind the counter.

Three things that I MUST do on Wednesday even if I do nothing else:
1. Clean my tub.
2. Mop the kitchen.
3. Get well.

Three things that do NOT make me UNhappy:
1. Cheese.
2. Witty people.
3. Sparkly stuff.

Three things that make me unhappy:
1. Clogged sinuses.
2. Coughing all night.
3. Medicine that makes me loopy and keeps me awake.

Three things I learned from my mama:
1. Love books.
2. Don't worry until it's time to worry.
3. A house isn't happy without music.

Three things my kids said today:
1. I hope tomorrow isn't so stressful.
2. It's okay mama.
3. Cheese and broccoli soup? Yay!

Three things I always think about doing but never do:
1. Spraying spider webs with spray paint and mounting them on paper.
2. Cleaning up the back yard, filling in the fish pond with dirt and hanging the hammock.
3. Going somewhere. Anywhere.

Things that don't seem to require my immediate attention:
1. I got nothing here.
2.
3.

Pass the Kleenex please

Have you ever had a moment where you stopped and realized that you felt really good? Nothing was hurting, your sinuses were clear, no aches, no pains, no nothing? And maybe at that moment it occurred to you how lucky you were?

Yeah, that hasn't happened to me today.

Lexington is the size of a postage stamp

Today Beej is packing and getting ready for a trip to Jackson, Mississippi. From there we'll head to Lexington to attend the funeral of Dirty Larry's mother. She was diagnosed with MS years ago and has had a downhill battle with her disease ever since. It wasn't really a surprise when we got the phone call, but even if you expect something to happen in the near future, sometimes it's a little shocking when it happens in your immediate present. You know?

The first time I ever met her, she was sitting on the couch, smoking a cigarette and reading a book. Beside her on the table was the radio which was tuned to a country music station, a pile of books, an ashtray and the phone. The phone was turned toward her and she was perched there in preparation to be the 6th caller to win something they were giving away. The TV was on, but the sound was off. She was watching a country music television station and if Alan Jackson were to appear she would turn the sound back up. She thought he was pretty. This is the picture of her that is etched in my brain and it makes me smile, therefore, this is the picture I choose go to when I think of her. There are other pictures of her in my brain, but you know, I think I'll just file those away and forget them.

Rated PG for brief nudity

I can accept the quick, get in, get out shower as well as the next fellow, but what I really want is a bath. A bath with deep, very hot water and lots of suds. Sadly, as you probably know by now, I have a problem with staying on task. This is the reason that dinner is burned nightly and my towels sometimes have to be rewashed because they were left in the washer for a couple of days and now bear a funky smell. All this to say that I sometimes start running the bath water and forget what I'm doing. So far, I've never let it go so far as to run over and ruin anything, but what DOES happen more often than not is that the water is way too hot when I get ready to get in. The result is that I step in, find it unbearable and step out immediately. I then turn on the cold water to even things out and step back in, usually way too soon. This second entrance is normally made close to the spigot and if things still aren't acceptable, I hold my ankles with my hands to protect them from the heat. Somehow my hands can deal with the scorch better than the skin of my legs can. As the water becomes a little more tepid, I get lower and lower, crouching like some kind of coward, hoping at some point soon I can sit down and unfold without scalding myself in unmentionable places. I did this very thing this morning. I realized how ridiculous it looked and was thankful nobody was present to see it. I questioned myself about why I don't just wait until things are okay before I get back in and decided that I'm afraid if I walk away again, that overflowing and ruining the floor thing is going to happen. I can't be expected to remember the same thing TWICE, can I? I think not. Besides, I have no clothes on at this point. Should I sit on the lid of the toilet until everything is kosher in the bath? Hot bath water doesn't steam up a room like a hot shower would. I'd freeze. I supposed I could grab a robe but sheesh that seems like a lot of effort when I could just spend the time protecting my ankles.

Morning Conversation with Litkia

*we get in the car*

Litkia - I'm freezing mama.

Beej - Where's your sweater?

Litkia - It's right here tied around my waist. *points to sweater tied around her waist*

Beej - Well put it on you goofy girl. Sweaters are for keeping a person warm.

Litkia - No...JACKETS are for keeping you warm. Sweaters have holes all in them and are just for making you look pretty.

Beej - I had no idea.

I can't believe I got all the way to 42 years old and didn't know that.

Toothpaste and missing children

So last night before I went to bed, I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I reached down for the toothpaste, but what I picked up was not MY toothpaste, but a strange new toothpaste called Crest Plus Scope. Obviously, someone had not consulted me when they bought new toothpaste. I put it down and looked in the basket again for my Arm and Hammer Fresh Mint but pulled out Dirty Larry's preferred brand, Crest Cinnamon Rush. Once, when my sister was here, she borrowed that toothpaste and came out of the bathroom saying that she felt like she had just brushed her teeth with Big Red gum. Anyway, that tube was smashed flat, which explained the existence of the new toothpaste. After one more fishing expedition I found my tube, but that Crest Plus Scope kept looking at me. I was curious, so I used it. It tasted just like Scope for real.

Yesterday on the radio, John Tesh was talking about toothpaste and he said that using a product that claimed to whiten was a waste of money because it didn't make a hill of beans difference in the color of your teeth, but I say nay. I like using the whitening toothpastes. Who is John Tesh anyhow? He's just a guy who can't make up his mind what he wants to do with his life so he does some TV here and a piano playing CD there and radio show on the side...I only accidentally heard it anyway so I'm pretty sure it doesn't count. Plus he's not really one of the cool kids so I can just dismiss that. (And look! There's the new CHI hairdryer that Dirty Larry got me for Christmas. It's way cool.)

But, do you know who else isn't cool? Doug and Valerie Herrman. WHAT in the WORLD?

Smartypants

Pateriko: Mama, my teacher told us we had to do a research paper this quarter.

Beej: Oh man.

Pateriko: I know! She said it was going to be the hardest thing we’ve done at this school so far. Even harder than science fair projects.

Beej: Well, it’s a good thing you have me for a mama.

Pateriko: I know!

Beej: You could have some dumb old mama for a mama.

Pateriko: I know! You’re smart!

Beej: I know!

Pateriko: And you’re not even old.

Beej: I know! I’m liking this conversation better and better. Tell me more.

Pateriko: You’ll have to pay for the rest.

New Year but pretty much the same attitude

I told a friend the other day that I wasn't making any resolutions for the new year. I think my exact words were "I'm not making any resolutions. The health issues have already been tackled and I refuse to be a better person, so, I think that covers it." Since that time, I've had a change of heart. There ARE some things I want to address.

Let's go back to that health issue thing. I don't just resolve to lose 10 more pounds, I VOW to lose 10 more pounds. I've done well so far and the holidays may have stumped me momentarily, but these 10 will come off. I'm so happy with my new found devotion to the gym and I'm so thankful to my friend Angie for being just as devoted as I am. Without her, I think it would be tons harder to motivate myself. This would be Beej tooting her own horn, but my dear Beejites, do you realize that barring Sundays I haven't missed one day at the gym for months unless I was out of the state or taking my mama to the doctor? Well, there was that 1/1/09 mishap, but we aren't counting that one, okay? This is unheard of from the likes of me and I'm very pleased. I'm also very pleased with the results, one of which is that I retired yet another pair of dress pants this morning because they were just too big to wear.

I would also like to address the facebook dilemma. I have come to love facebook for two reasons. First and foremost, I have made contact with many people from my past that make me smile from ear to ear and I wouldn't give anything for this gift to once again be in touch with them. Amongst many others, there is my high school youth pastor and his wife whom I adore with all my heart. I owe these people so much and I'm thrilled to be involved with them again. The second reason is the games. I know. It's silly. But I really love playing Scrabble and Word Twist. But, I mentioned a dilemma right? Bottom line is that I'm losing at Scrabble to Dirty Larry more than I'm winning and Abby, Brandy and Jerry are kicking my butt at Word Twist. Abby seems to be dominant, but they've all had a turn at humiliating me. I think I'll resolve to try harder...to be smarter...to become more brilliant (as if that was even possible). How does one go about doing that? Study the dictionary? Okay then, I'll study the dictionary. If it doesn't work, I'll just pretend that I'm letting them win to increase their self esteem because I'm sweet like that. I can always say my resolution was to try harder to make others happy.

And lastly (and pretty much leastly) I hope to be more persistent in the skin care area. A person who frequents the tanning bed should be more anxious to moisturize. This, however, doesn't seem to fit into my agenda. I'm afraid that I've reached the age where I MUST do this if I don't want to flake off in tiny pieces as I walk around or look like a leather handbag in a couple of years. I truly don't wish for either of these things. I have become a Chanel girl this past year but I don't think they can really offer me anything better than good old Jergens can. You think? My mama's Jergens always smelled like almonds. Do they still make that one? If so, that's the one that will push me to victory in this department. And again, should I fail, I will lean upon the words that I heard tonight at the "Expresso ladies meeting". True beauty is found within. Oh heck, that means I'll have to do that be a better person thing. Crap. I'm not sure I can win this one.